Watching Transformers 2. The only film where you get to hear somebody shout “Yay! Here come the Jordanians!”
Important lessons to follow
The best part about TransFoDeuce is the crystal clear window one gets into Michael Bays Soul. I hereby provide the secret list of Mr. Bays tastes.
Likes: Girl Butts, specifically, rotating the camera around the thigh/butt junction
Dislikes: French architecture over 3 stories
Likes: Everyone sweating just a little bit all the time no matter what the scene
Likes: disbelieving anyone who tries to inform him that computer hacking is not exactly as he saw in the movie Hackers only where everyboy has Plasma screen displays and everything glows with random fiber optics.
Dislikes: Robots who climb ontop of the Brooklyn Bridge and callously knock aside the giant American Flag that he planted there.
Likes: Aircraft carriers, which is why it’s so sad when 6 meteors who turn into robots crash into one. How do we know this is sad for bay? easy. cause the sinking aircraft carrier mimics the last shots of the sinking Titanic from Cameron’s Titanic which as we all know is the saddest movie with a boat ever.
Dislikes: Breathing between dialogue.
Likes: Missles that do barrel rolls around stuff so they can hit their target.
Dislikes:going 20 minutes without showing something comically humping something else. Also, apparently the notion that sambo based humour is out of fashion
Likes: Beards on robots. Ballsacks.
Dislikes: keeping the camera still. Dialogue that doesn’t contain the screamed words “WAIT!”, “WHOA!” or “WHOA!WAIT!”
Likes: Showing awesome cars outrunning regular non-product placed cars, foreign cars or camels. (MISSED OPPORTUNITY: Camel turns into robot)
Dislikes: Goverment paper pushers standing in the way of the heroic military.
Likes: Proposing shit that makes somebody say “[BLANK]? Are you Serious?” or [BLANK]? You can’t just [BLANK]!”
Dislikes: Gayness. Video conferencing that involves less than 3 monitors showing each dudes face.
Likes: Girls doing sex stuff to nerd types (editors note: I support this) this often involves the aforementioned girl butts